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Disclaimer: We don't own them. We'll put them back when we're done.
Karen: "I need to see my husband." I said quietly. She nodded. A few minutes later he came in the door. "Chris." I said as I started to sob.
Chris: "Karen. I don't know what to say."
Karen: "Don't just hold me right now. We have to comfort each other right now." It felt good to have his arms around me. I didn't blame him for what happened. I was the one who should have known I was too close to the stairs. "We have to make the arrangements Chris."
Chris: "I know."
Karen: "I could get Scott and Lucy to make them if you'd like. I don't think either of us can handle it right now."
Chris: "Maybe that's best. Do you want to call him or do you want me to."
Karen: "Why don't you get someone else to call him. I know I can't face anyone but you right now. I don't blame you Chris, this was all my fault. I should never have backed away from you and I should have known where the stairs were."
Chris: I held her not knowing what to say to comfort her. I rocked her as she cried soon she was fast asleep. I put her back down on the pillow and then walked out. I needed to get some air.
Joe had called me and told me about the accident. I had been out of town but I hurried back to be there for Karen in her time of loss. I got to the hospital and looked up Joe.
Scott: "Where is she?"
Joe: "She's sleeping right now Scott."
Scott: "Tell me what happened."
Joe: "She fell down the stairs at home. There was nothing we could do to save the baby." I said swallowing the lump in my throat.
Scott: "Did *he* push her down the stairs."
Joe: "No Scott she just fell down them."
Scott: "How is she doing?"
I looked at him wondering if he really
needed me to tell him.
Joe: "Karen is a very strong
woman, she's trying to be that way now. Both her and Chris went to
see the baby - Cassandra to say their goodbyes."
Scott: "You let her go see the baby?"
Joe: "It's what she wanted and there has to be clsoure of some kind Scott."
Scott: "I want to see her." I saw his face. "I won't wake her up I just want to be with her."
I took him to her room and left him
with her. I went to find Matt who was devastated that he
couldn't save the baby. I
found him in the chapel.
Joe: "Hi Matt."
Matt: "Joe."
Joe: "Thought I'd come down and join you. I have a few questions for the Man Upstairs right about now."
Matt: "How's Karen...and chris.?"
Joe: "Karen's asleep, Scott's with her right now and Chris went to take a walk. You did all you could do Matt."
Matt: "I know but it still hurts."
Joe: "We have to be strong for Karen and for Chris. Regardless how we feel about Chris he is hurting too."
I opened my eyes and saw Scott.
Karen: "Hi."
Scott: "Hi Karen." I said kissing her forehead. "Is there anything I can do?"
Karen: "Yes, can you make the arrangements? I can't do it and neither can Chris. She has to have something special Scott. Her name is Cassandra with a C not a K Cassandra Anne Ramsey. Anne is with an E an the end. I want her to have the christening outfit I picked out in case I had a girl put on her."
I took her in my arms as her sobs
started.
Scott: "Lucy and I will take
care of everything Karen, you won't have to worry about anything just grieving."
Karen: "Thank you and thank Lucy for me. I got to hold her, she was so tiny, so beautiful my little princess..now she's my little angel. Why did this have to happen to me Scott, why?"
Scott: "I don't know Karen. I wish I could explain it but I can't. She's in heaven now looking down on all of us and she'll keep an eye out for you and for Chris, for all of us."
Karen: "I don't want her in heaven, I want her here with me."
Scott: "I know you do and I wish I could give that to you, but I can't."
Karen: "Jordan! You need to tell her about this, can you please tell her? She's at her friend Heather's - the number is on the refrigerator."
Scott: "I'll go over there and tell her."
Karen: "Can she stay with you and Lucy and Serena tonight?"
Scott: "Of course she can, she will need to be with family."
Karen: "Scott I really need to be alone right now. I love you and I'll call if I need anything. Okay?"
Scott: "I understand Karen."
I said kissing her cheek softly. "Get some rest. I'll come
by in the
morning."
I nodded and watched him leave.
I started sobbing.
Karen: "Why God why?
Why did you take my little girl from me why? I don't understand how
you could be so cruel."
Chris: "Lucy."
Lucy: "Chris, I'm so sorry."
She sat beside me and hugged me. She soothed me a lot like a mother would sooth a child. And that's when I thought of Cassandra. Karen would never be able to rock her and hold her and cuddle her and be a mother to her. And that was my fault.
I pulled away from her slowly.
Chris: "Have you been up to see Karen yet?"
Lucy: "She was sleeping when I went in."
Chris: "Good, she needs the rest." I said rubbing my tired eyes.
Lucy: "You could use some rest yourself."
Chris: "I can't. Can't sleep."
Lucy: "Have you even tried?"
Chris: "No, can't bring myself to it. Everytime I close my eyes, I see Karen falling down the stairs and then our baby lying in the morgue."
Lucy: "Chris, you can't beat yourself up over this."
Chris: "yes, I can. It was my fault. I had been such a bastard to her during the pregnancy. If I had just quit acting like a Ramsey and listened to her, our baby would still be alive."
Lucy: "It wasn't your fault. It was an accident, right?"
Chris: "It wasn't an accident. She and I were fighting."
Lucy: "Chris, you didn't push her. I know you didn't."
Chris: "No, but I didn't save her either."
Lucy: "Chris, stop it. I won't hear anymore of this. You didn't kill your child."
Chris: "Cassandra. Her name was Cassandra."
Lucy: "You didn't kill Cassandra. She was an angel on the express train back to heaven, Chris. God needed her more than we did."
Chris: "I think Karen needed her a hell of a lot, Lucy."
Lucy touched my cheek and left me in peace to wallow in my own self-pity.
A nurse came to get me at Karen's request. I couldn't believe that she would even want to see me after what I'd done to her. I stepped into the room and just looked at her. She looked frail and as if her heart had been torn away from her.
Karen: "Chris."
Chris: "Karen. I don't know what to say."
Karen: "Don't just hold me right now. We have to comfort each other right now. We have to make the arrangements Chris."
I walked over and sat on the side of the bed, taking her into my arms and crying with her. Why had I believed that my wife would lie to me about our baby? Why had I been fool enough to think she had been lying to me.
Chris: "I know."
Karen: "I could get Scott and Lucy to make them if you'd like. I don't think either of us can handle it right now."
Chris: "Maybe that's best. Do you want to call him or do you want me to."
Karen: "Why don't you get someone else to call him. I know I can't face anyone but you right now. I don't blame you Chris, this was all my fault. I should never have backed away from you and I should have known where the stairs were."
I held her not knowing what to say to comfort her. I rocked her as she cried soon she was fast asleep. I put her back down on the pillow and then walked out. I needed to get some air.
I walked down the path outside the hospital that led towards the park. I walked through the park slowly and saw a group of children playing at the swings. I leaned against an oak tree and watched them play. My daughter should have had the chance to be out there. Cassandra should have had the chance to play on the swings, to play in a sandbox, to slide down a slide. Karen should have had the chance to catch our daughter at the bottom and watch her little face light up.
I took a deep breath as I watched the kids run around and giggle as they played. I had robbed my daughter of this chance. I had taken away from her the chance at happiness. I had taken her life. I leaned my head against the tree and took a deep breath as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around saw Eve there looking worried.
She took me into her arms as I cried.
Chris: "Why did I have to be so stubborn? Why didn't I listen to her? Now, I've killed our baby. My daughter is dead, Eve, and it's all my fault."
Eve wrapped her arms around me tightly as if to shut out all the pain as I cried freely, holding onto her for my life.