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Disclaimer: We don't own them. We'll put them back when we're done.
Karen: "NO NO NO!" I cried out. "PLEASE GOD NO!"
I heard her cries as my heart went
out to her. I went into the room.
Eve: "Karen calm down."
I said putting my arms around her and rocking with her.
Karen: "My baby!"
Eve: "I'm so sorry Karen. There was nothing we could do to save her."
Karen: "Her?" I sobbed. "Cassandra." I choked on my sob.
Eve: "Do you want me to give you something to help you sleep Karen?"
Karen: "I want to see her Eve."
Eve: "Karen I don't think that's a good idea."
Karen: "Please Eve! I need to see my little girl."
Eve: "I'll go see if I can arrange it Karen." I left the room and went to find Joe. "She wants to see the baby."
Joe: "Chris is down there now." I said softly. "I'll go in and keep her company until he's done and then I'll take her down."
Eve: "I think I'll go down and check on Chris."
I went into Karen's room. I
sat down next to her.
Joe: "I don't know what to
say Karen."
Karen: "He thought the baby was yours Joe."
Joe: "I know I told him he was crazy."
Karen: "What happened? What made him think that way?" I sobbed. "I don't understand any of this!"
I took her into my arms and held her as she cried. The tears fell down my cheeks as well.
I took the elevator down to the morgue. I went over to Chris.
Eve: "Time to go Chris."
Chris: "I killed her Eve."
Eve: "No you didn't what happened was a horrible horrible accident."
Chris: "She was afraid of me and kept backing up."
Eve: "Stop! Let's go." I helped him up and brought him to a quiet room. Just lay down and relax for a while Chris." I peeked my head in Karen's room and nodded to Joe.
Joe: "Eve arranged for you to see your daughter."
Karen: "Cassandra, her name is Cassandra."
Joe: "What a beautiful name Cassandra is Karen." I brought a wheelchair in and sat her gently in it and then took her down to the morgue. "Are you sure this is what you want to do Karen."
Karen: "I have to see her, I have to hold her Joe."
Joe: I took her over. I choked back the tears as I saw the perfect little baby girl. She had been dressed in a little outfit. I knew it had to have been Amy or my mom that saw to that. I looked away as Karen picked her up and cradled her in her arms.
Karen: "Hi Cassandra it's mommy. I just had to come and see you and hold you before God takes you to be one of his most precious little angels. I love you very much." I sobbed as the tears fell like rain. "You filled me full of joy growing inside of me. I know you felt my love as well." I kissed her forehead.
I came over to her and put my hand
on her shoulder.
Joe: "Karen you have to go
back now."
I looked at him. I nodded but I didn't want to give my daughter, my Cassandra up.
Joe: "It will be alright Karen. Let me have her." She handed Cassandra's small form over to me and I placed her back on the table. I took her back to her room. I gave her a shot to calm her down and give her some rest. I stayed with her till she fell asleep. I silently left the room. I leaned against the wall letting my tears fall down my cheeks.
Eve walked over to me and shook her head.
Eve: "We couldn't save the baby Chris. It was too early. The lungs were still underdeveloped."
Chris: "Was it a boy or a girl?"
Eve: "A girl."
Chris: "Her name is Cassandra. That's the name that Karen wanted to name her. She wanted to name our little girl Cassandra," I said as I sank back into my chair, feeling the tears spring up and run down my cheeks.
Eve: "Karen will be okay with rest. She'll be in a room in a little while."
Chris: "You don't have to give me the patient recovery speech, Eve," I said looking up to her with tear-filled eyes, "I know it by heart."
Eve touched me on the shoulder before starting to walk away.
Chris: "Eve, have they taken my little girl downstairs yet?"
Eve turned back to look at me. She looked confused.
Eve: "Yes, why?"
Chris: "I want to see her. I want to see my baby."
Eve: "Chris, I don't think that's a good idea. She's tiny."
Chris: "Eve, she's my daughter. I want to see her."
Eve nodded reluctantly and called downstairs. She started to go with me, but I didn't want her there. I needed to do this on my own. I needed to apologize to my daughter on my own.
I walked into the room where my precious baby girl lay. She looked so cold. How could I have ever been so cruel? I had denied her life. I had killed my own daughter. As I looked at her, there would be no denying that she was mine. She had the Ramsey birthmark behind her ear and I reached out to touch it softly.
I pulled a chair beside the table and took my daughter into my arms, cradling her against me, "Cassandra, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't be the father that you deserved. I let my old self make decisions for me. I should never have listened to that. Instead, I kept pushing your mother over and over again until she fell. What was I thinking? I don't know baby girl. I'm sorry that you're not going to have a life ahead of you full of happiness. I'm sorry that you'll never know sunshine or bedtime stories or playtime or chocolate or ice cream or ballet or a million other things. I took all of that away from you and I wish that I could give my life for yours. I don't deserve the things I have after what I've done to you. I know that you must be an angel by now, looking down on your mommy and me. I love you Cassandra. Daddy loves you," I whispered gently kissing her forehead before placing her back upon the table.
I saw Eve turn the corner and walk towards me. Eve touched my shoulder.
Eve: "Time to go Chris."
Chris: "I killed her Eve."
Eve: "No you didn't what happened was a horrible horrible accident."
Chris: "She was afraid of me and kept backing up."
Eve: "Stop! Let's go." I helped him up and brought him to a quiet room. "Just lay down and relax for a while Chris."
I nodded as I lay down and cried all the tears over the tattered remains of my life, what little there was left worth living for.