Kevin began kissing her, deeply with months of pent up passion controlling his every move. Somewhere back in his subconscious he realized he should take her upstairs, to bed, and do this right but the thought passed as he realized he had to do this now, this way. Kevin began pushing her back on the couch, searching for the release that soon would be his. 

She seemed to be as eager as he, thank goodness, kissing back with as much fever - beginning to softly moan. Very soon now. ''Finally, Lucy'' he whispered. 

''Lucy? Lucy!'' Kevin heard her voice, as if in a fog, distantly in his head. ''Kevin!'' His lips reached for her neck, realizing at the same time that something was wrong - very wrong. ''Kevin, get off of me!'' The hard push that accompanied the words finally woke Kevin up from his daze. 

''Oh my God. Eve. I'm - I'm so sorry. I mean - '' He was struggling for words as his brain still tried to comprehend what just happened. Had he really called Eve, Lucy? What happened to the intelligent, caring man he used to be? 

A memory flooded back, unwanted and unbidden, of Lucy calling out Damian's name while they were in the throes of passion, and how angry and how hurt he had been. No matter how hard he worked to keep Lucy out of his thoughts, she continued to invade them as if placed their by an evil genie who delighted in torture. 

He really should say something to Eve. ''Eve, sorry. Really - it's me. I'm - '' his voice trailed off as feeling of revulsion coarsed through his body. Whether it was at her, him or the both together he didn't know and he sure didn't want to analyze it. 

''Next time you want to play sick games, call Lucy. You two really do deserve each other.'' Eve stood at the door for a second, obviously waiting for a response. Kevin - still stunned that he had found himself reduced to this moment - said nothing. Eve turned on her heels and stormed out. Kevin felt a rush of relief as the door slammed behind her. 

Kevin felt lower than he had ever felt in his life, and that was saying something. He knew he should run after Eve, apologize again - try to explain. Explain what? That even though Lucy had moved on, he was trapped in time and space, with nowhere to go and no way to move forward. Flowers tomorrow would have to suffice. 

Kevin felt an overwhelming desire to get drunk. Very, very unable to stand, to think and especially to remember drunk. He reached into the liquor cabinet and drew out the first bottle his hand touched. Jack Daniels. Victor's, he assumed. He started to put it back, but quickly changed his mind. Somehow the whiskey fit his mood perfectly. He took a long, quick drink feeling the liquid fire coarse through his body, adding to the embers already smouldering inside him. He was right, perfect. 

''Women problems?'' Kevin started, hearing the mocking voice behind him - the voice he knew as well as his own. He tensed as the accompanying laughter went straight through him, quicker even than the whiskey - and a whole lot less pleasurable. Slowly Kevin turned and faced his brother. 

Part 2 

Kevin wasn't sure what bothered him more - Ryan's unwanted appearance or his fatalistic acceptance of it. Ryan leaned against the door frame, arms crossed, with a mocking half smile on his face. 

This was the last thing Kevin needed. ''Go away Ryan, I'm not in the mood.'' 

Ryan sighed. ''No - sit for a spell bro? Hiya doing? Can I offer you a drink? Something to eat?'' 

''Ryan.'' 

''You could at least ask me how my trip was.'' Ryan grinned. Kevin took one last drink and relunctantly put the bottle down. No wonder his world was spiralling downward. He couldn't even control something - or rather someone - he had conjured up. Kevin started to sway a bit - the effects of the alcohol combined with recent events taking effect. He shut his eyes tight and tried to clear his mind with a shake. When he opened them his spirits lifted immediately - Ryan was gone - 

''Quite a way you have with the ladies Kevin.'' Ryan was lounging contently on the sofa. ''Heck, even a ripe and ready to be plucked gal like Eve -'' Ryan grinned increased, reminding Kevin of the Chesire Cat's. ''She couldn't get out of here fast enough. So much for the Collin's charm.'' Ryan looked thoughtful. ''Maybe it only works on blondes.'' 

''Enough Ryan'' Kevin snapped, realizing the irony of being irked with a figment of his imagination. Ryan was, wasn't he? Just a bad dream come to life, his worst thoughts given movement. Not real. ''You've had your fun. Now leave me alone.'' A pause. ''Please?'' Wasn't that the ''magic word?'' Maybe, just maybe, he could finally catch a break and it would work for him. 

''Please.'' Ryan repeated, deliberately parrotlike. ''Please. I like that. Please, what?'' 

Kevin swallowed. ''Please leave me alone.'' 

Ryan jumped from the couch with a joyful spring in his attitude. He made a big show of looking around, circling the room like a vulture seeking prey. ''Where's Victor?'' Kevin remained quiet. Ryan snapped his fingers. ''Oh yeah, dropped you like a hot potato, didn't he?'' 

''You know very well that Victor moved in with Mary. It had nothing whatsoever to do with me.'' 

''That sly dog. Gotta admire the old man though.'' Ryan smiled devilishly. ''A woman to care for him, feed him, listen to him drone on about his endless boring life stories. Bed him. The best part is, he doesn't have to deal with you.'' Ryan snorted and tossed a throw pillow into the air. ''Some things never change.'' 

''Victor loves me.'' 

Ryan sighed. ''Love, hmmmm? Lovelovelove. You mean like your precious Lucy?'' 

''Don't.'' 

Ryan continued on, deliberately ignoring Kevin and his darkening eyes. ''At least when Eve tramped out of here she didn't leave skidmarks like ole Luce, eh bro?'' 

''Lucy lov-'' Kevin caught himself, his voice more quiet this time. ''Lucy loved me.'' 

''And the Nile is just a river in Egypt. Kevin you're a smart, intelligent person. It's just you, me and a few much needed truths here. We're brothers. Friends.'' As Kevin warily watched, Ryan took a few steps closer to him. ''You were just one in a long line of easy marks for our La Luce.'' Ryan taunted as he began counting on his fingers. ''Tony, Alan, Damain - rest his soul. Hmm, let me think. I don't want to forget anyone. So many and my noggin isn't what it used to be - as you well know. Victor Jerome, Tom Hardy . . . . wasn't there another Kevin who also had a brother? You know, that could have been fun ---'' 

''Da@@ you Ryan.'' Kevin spat. ''What do you know about anything? Especially love?'' Kevin's breath was coming out in short, angry gasps and he could feel his hardfought for control slipping away. ''I know what Lucy and I had. I was there. It was real and it was love.'' 

''---and last, but certainly never least, Scott Baldwin.'' Ryan waited for Kevin's reaction, but he was careful not to give him one. After a few tense seconds, Ryan finally moved away. ''Oh, but you know what they say. One man's bed is as good as another's. Or is it when the going gets tough - no, wait - that applies more to Victor. They don't call the old man a genuis for nothing.'' Ryan walked over to the French doors. looking out into the dark, starless night. 

Kevin started to laugh, literally forcing himself to do so. ''You are truly one of the most pathetic monsters -'' 

''Do you think when Lucy is, '' Ryan turned around, facing Kevin once more. ''oh, what's the right word? 'Banging' Scott she calls out your name?'' Something inside Kevin snapped and he lounged at Ryan, knocking them both throught the French doors and hitting the patio with a sickening thud as glass fell on Kevin like piercing rain. For a moment he laid their stunned, the shock and the alcohol combining to overwhelm him. Ryan's taunting, a sharp sheer image of Lucy smiling, and his own pain mixed together like a morbid cocktail. Slowly he realized the pain was from the little slivers of glass embedded in his hand and that there was a trickle of blood on his face from a cut on his forehead. 

He fought an almost undeniable urge to stay outside, like this, free from Ryan and memories and suspended in time. He touched his forehead and felt the sticky sweetness of his blood. He felt himself drifting, the pain taking him on it's own path. His name was being called. For a mad moment, he thought it was Lucy and he sat up quickly. It wasn't of course. Kevin realized with a cold certainty that Ryan was inside, waiting for more fun and games. Relunctantly he got to his knees and crawled back into the lighthouse. He leaned against the couch, his head resting on it's arm. 

''And they said I was the crazy one.'' Ryan stood over Kevin, looking the epitome of pure evil. With great ceremony, he knelt beside Kevin. 

''Just leave me alone Ryan.'' 

''Would if I could bro, but you need me. Isn't that what Mommy and Daddy taught us? To give each other a helping hand, to be there for each other when the chips are down.'' Ryan was inches away from Kevin, staring straight into his eyes. ''You've always been such a friend to me Kevin. In appreciation I just want - no, need - to return the favor.'' Ryan rose suddenly, yanking Kevin to his feet. ''Come on. We're going on a trip.'' 

''A trip?'' The sudden upward movement had Kevin feeling disorientated, dazed. ''Where?'' 

''Well it aint Disneyland Bubba. I can tell you that.'' Ryan grinned. ''Look you're sitting here pathetically brooding over a woman who never loved you in the first place. The only way for you to get on with your life - miserable though that it might be - is to show you..... prove it to you.'' 

Kevin stared at Ryan. ''How?'' 

''What's that expression? The future is here.'' 

Images of Ryan wearing a black robe and pointing a death finger at a tombstone that read ''Kevin Collins. At Rest at Last'' played like a minimovie in Kevin's imagination. ''I have no desire to play Ebeneezer Scrooge to your Jacob Marley.'' 

''Duh,'' Ryan rolled his eyes in annoyance. ''Try using that genuis brain of yours for some use other than brooding. It's not your future I'm talking about - it's ----'' 

''Lucy.'' A surge of dread. 

''Give that man a cigar.'' 

''Lucy's future,'' Kevin repeated. Lucy's future - without him. ''No.'' 

''Kev,'' Ryan exclaimed, putting his arms around Kevin's shoulders, beginning to lead him toward the spiral staircase. ''Come on! You know you want to. You can't tell me you're not the least bit curious, intrigued? She won't see us. Or hear us. I promise. You can trust me.'' Ryan laughed ''Oh, I kill myself sometimes - but seriously - '' 

Kevin watched as Ryan ascended the steps, leaving him to follow. A million thoughts fought for attention in his head. He could just stay here, where it was safe, where things almost made sense to him. But he wasn't going to. Ryan knew him too well. Kevin slowly began the long trip up - to where? 

Ryan was waiting for him in the hallway. ''Hey sailor, come here often?'' Ryan laughed. ''Come on bro, don't lose your sense of humor now.'' Ryan pointed to the doorway at the end of the hall. Kevin recognized it as the stairway to the third floor. Or rather, that's what it should be. 

''What's behind the door Ryan?'' 

''Lucy. The future.'' Ryan smiled. ''The truth.'' 

''Why don't you open it?'' 

''That's my brother. Always sitting on the sidelines watching the game. Kev, bro, take the Nike's advice and Just Do It, 'kay? Capri Diem - seize the moment. Face your demons. And the truth.'' 

''Your truths.'' Kevin countered. Ryan didn't respond. He just stood there, waiting, expectant. Kevin walked down the hallway, taking an eternity. He put his hand on the doorknob. It felt cold. Slowly he turned the knob, half expecting, half hoping to find simply the stairway, Ryan disappeared, and feeling foolish. He took a deep breath and pushed open the door. 

A room. A living room. Smartly classically decorated but - there were toys, books, magazines, papers brightly colored with crayons - lived in. It felt, irrationally, both slightly familiar and very foreign to Kevin. His attention was diverted to a noise coming into the room - a low humming noise. Lucy entered, loaded down with books, jackets, brown paper lunches and a briefcase almost totally hidden underneath her arm. A bit older, wearing a smart business suit with her hair upswept in a loose twist. 

Different, but definitely, unmistakenably Lucy. She was humming to herself still as she examined the items in her arms. She dug suddenly into one of the jacket pockets and pulled out a small turtle. She grimaced and then she smiled. It lit up the whole room. Kevin was drawn to it, to her. He took a step forward, reaching out and was stopped. Something was there, keeping him where he was. Invisible but real. It seperated them. 

''Guys!'' Lucy shouted as she placed the turtle into a large tank in the corner of the room. ''Bus is almost here. Jessie. Alec. Let's go.'' Kevin watched, holding his breath without realizing it as two children, exuberance in every step, came flying into the room. They were beautiful, Kevin thought. Jessie, who looked to be about six, with blonde hair in pigtails threw herself into Lucy's waist causing Lucy to drop some of the items in her arms. Lucy laughed, dropping the rest to stoop down and give Jessiea big hug. Jessie picked up her jacket, half putting it on and grabbed the rest of her things. Alec watched her impatiently, but a smile played on his lips. Jessie raised herself on tiptoe and gave Lucy a kiss. ''Thanks Mommy.'' 

Kevin stepped back. It was all too painful and personal to watch. He was intruding on Lucy. She looked so beautiful - and so happy - 

Without him. 

Kevin spun around, determined to leave and came face to face with himself. Ryan. 

''Not so fast Doc. The fun is just starting.'' 

Part 3 
Kevin felt the moment gave a twisted meaning to the phrase ''between Heaven and Hell.'' Lucy on one side, Ryan the other. He turned slowly back to the door. Nothing had changed. It was like the group had been frozen, awaiting his renewed attention. As if they were performing for an audience of one - a special kind of performance that was all too real. 

''Are you and Dad going to the game tonight?'' Alec asked, as he fiddled with the adjustable strap on his baseball cap. 

''Momma,'' Jessie jumped in almost as if fearing she wouldn't get her fair share of the attention. Lucy's child Kevin thought, and he smiled. ''Daddy didn't give me a goodnight kiss. Not fair.'' She pouted and then ''Stop it Alec!'' to her brother who was busy pulling one of her pigtails. ''Quit it dufus.'' 

''Cry-baby, cry-baby, cry---'' Alec stopped short as Jessie punched him (not too hard) in the stomach. ''Mom!'' 

''Enough!'' Lucy insisted, but Kevin could see what the kids couldn't - her quickly suppressed smile. She readjusted Alec's cap ''Dad is coming home early so he won't miss the game. I promise we will both be there. And as for you little one, '' Lucy tickled her daughter, who squealed with delight. ''If I search my memory, I recall a certain young lady who got two kisses last night. The second one being a special delivery from her Daddy.'' 

''Jess come on, we've got to go.'' 

''Keep your shirt on!'' 

''Jessica Elizabeth!'' There was a quick knock on the door, followed without a pause by the entrance of a brown-skinned young boy, about Alec's age. Alec and the boy slapped palms. 

''Where have you been?'' the newcomer asked. ''We're going to be so late.'' 

''Tyrus James, how many times have I told you to knock first?'' Kevin smiled at the sound of the familiar voice. Ellen. His smile got even bigger when she walked in his line of vision. Or rather, waddled. Ellen was hugely, awkwardly, and beautifully pregnant. 

Ryan grimaced. ''It's like some god-awful Walton reunion. Wake me when we get to the good stuff.'' Intent on the drama unfolding before his eyes, Kevin ignored him. 

''I did knock.'' 

''Well I must be going deaf 'cause I didn't hear anyone say come in.'' The tone sounded gruff but Kevin saw Ty look into Ellen's face and smile, reassured he was in no real trouble. 

''Morning sunshine!'' Lucy sang out, teasing Ellen but her attention was focused on finally getting Jessie's jacket on correctly. She then gave Alec a quick kiss on the cheek, but like many a eight year old before him, he wiped it off as soon as his mother's back was turned. Everything seemed so normal, so everyday, why then, Kevin wondered, did it hurt so much to watch? 

Ty was halfway out the door. ''Come on Alec! I'll race you.'' And then, as he disappeared, ''Bye Mom.'' Alec echoed him, and then was gone also. 

''Me too!'' As quickly as she could, considering all that she was carrying, Jessie followed them. 

''Hurry up Jess!'' Kevin could hear Alec's voice, slowly fading away. ''You run more like a girl every day.'' The sudden silence caused by their departure was unnerving. Kevin felt his heart drop They were so much like Lucy. Especially Jessie. He wanted very badly to see them again - to touch them, know them, hug them. 

''Off to work?'' Ellen asked. She and Lucy had been standing in the doorway, waving until the kids were out of sight. 

''I'm working 'til noon today, but I do have some time for a quick cup of tea with you. Oh, the sacrifices I make for our friendship.'' Ellen responded by making a face, causing Lucy to laugh. By the time Lucy returned with the tea tray, Ellen had managed, with not a little difficulty, to settle down on the couch. ''You know it's good to own your own business.'' Lucy mused while pouring the tea. ''Make and break your own hours. I've got a few meetings this morning but I should make it back by noon - just in time for the homecoming.'' 

''Hmmm.'' Ellen sounded like she was contemplating a serious matter. ''Kids won't be home until three. That gives you three hours for the - what did you call it? - the homecoming. Maybe I should pick up the kids after school. I'm not sure that gives you enough time.'' 

''You have a very dirty, dirty mind Doctor Burgess-Harmon.'' Ellen laughed. ''Not to mention a whole lot of nerve,'' Lucy patted Ellen's very expanded belly and then smiled at her friend. ''How did we get so lucky?'' 

''Luck? Speak for yourself.'' Ellen retorted. ''For me, it was skill and determination.'' Lucy raised a playful eyebrow. ''Okay. Okay. It was Matt's determination. Anyway, look at you.'' 

''What?'' 

''I'm pregnant and you're glowing. That's so unfair. Unless - '' Ellen paused, looking Lucy up and down. 

Lucy jumped in quickly. ''Two is plenty. Well three, counting Serena. Of course, if anybody new should happen along - but no. I'm just -'' Lucy stood up, pausing for a second. 

Kevin knew it was time to leave. Past time really. This was all too personal, too intrusive. He had no rights to be here, to listen in. But he felt as frozen in time as Lucy had been. He had to know. 

''happy.'' Lucy put her cup down. ''You know, I was so lonely in bed last night I ended up just wandering through the house. My house. My children sleeping in their beds. Better yet - our children. Not just mine - but mine and the man I love.'' 

''Ho-ho.'' Ryan nudged Kevin playfully in the arm. Kevin was still determingly ignoring him. ''Now we get to the nitty-gritty.'' 

Ellen reached up, patting Lucy on the hand as Lucy settled on the couch's arm. ''I know, after Sam died -'' Suddenly it was as if someone had reached in and turned the sound off. Ellen's lips were moving, but Kevin could no longer hear her. Kevin turned to Ryan who was grinning like a loon. 

''Hello?'' Ryan responded to the unasked question. ''This is not the ''All About Ellen'' show - it's Lucy's show - and now we return you to our regularly scheduled broadcast - '' 

''I was heartbroken when Kevin broke up with me.'' Sound had returned, Lucy once again commanding all Kevin's attention. ''I wanted to curl up and die. I thought I'd never love again. But I was wrong. Incredibly, without a doubt and happy to be - wrong.'' 

''Do you ever think about it?'' Ellen asked, as if she had read Kevin's mind and felt compelled to ask the question that was burning in his soul. 

Lucy shrugged. Kevin tried to figure out that simple action's meaning. Sometimes? No? Always? 

''I'm surprised she even remembered your name.'' Ryan hissed. 

''Shut up.'' Kevin snapped. 

''Touchy. Touchy.'' 

''It seems so far away now, another lifetime. Another person's heartache and sadness.'' Lucy brushed a tear away. ''Something that I know nothing about now.'' Lucy shook her head, as if dispelling memories and reached for Ellen's cup. 

''You're throwing a pregnant woman out in the cold?'' 

''It's 60 degrees out - '' 

''Fine. I can take a hint. ANyway, Matt'll be looking for me. I'll make him take me out to a little lunch. Hell, he's paying, I might as well make it a big lunch. And expensive.'' Lucy and Ellen laughed. There was a sound of a car pulling into a driveway. ''That's probably him now.'' 

''Keep him on a short leash, do you?'' Lucy teased as she started to clear the cups and then stopped, as if hit by a sudden thought. ''Ellie, I have a box of baby clothes I keep forgetting to give you. Matt can take them to the car for you.'' Ellen slowly, and with much fanfare, made it to the door. Looking outside, she waved. 

''Luce, looks like you'll have plenty of time after all.'' Ellen walked out the door, but Kevin could still hear her talking - though the sound was now muffled as if traveling a great distance. There was now another voice, a male one. There was laughter and Kevin turned his attention again to Lucy who was now well and truly glowing. Once more he was possessed by an overwhelming urge to reach for her, hold her one more time. 

Ryan stepped in front of him, blocking his view. ''Well it's been real. It's been fun. But I can't say it's been real fun. Party's over. Time to go.'' 

''No wait - I - '' Pain. It doubled him over, blinding him with it's force. He could no longer see Lucy and her voice was fading. Lucy was fading. ''Lucy!'' 

Something was different. Kevin could tell even before he opened his eyes. He felt the pain slowly ebb away. He blinked twice - yes, it was the living room. No Lucy. No Ryan. No ''play'' being performed before him. It was a dream. Pure and simple. A dream, borne of too many sleepless nights and whiskey drunk too quickly. How silly to get all worked up about a - 

The glass was broken in the French doors. Kevin stared at it, not wanting to believe what the broken glass was proof of. Proof of - what? The Lucy was real? It was real - her laughter, Jessie, Alec. Ryan - no - no. All this could be explained, rationalized away. Tomorrow - it would all make sense. All he needed now was sleep. Tomorrow would be better, tomorrow he could replace the pane in the French doors and send flowers with a note of apology to Eve. Everything broken could easily be fixed. He would be able to put - all this - in perspective. Life would go on. Life would make sense. All he had to do was stay away from the booze, the memories and he would be okay. It was as simple as that. 

''It was a dream'' Kevin muttered, and found himself repeating it silently, like a mantra. A dream. Like all other dreams, it too would fade in time. Like dreams of Lucy, of love, of children and of a family. Their family. He was reminded of warm summer nights by the duckpond, Lucy whispering ''I love you'' over and over again in his ear - the sound dancing on the water. I love you. 

''You just don't get it, do you bro. She never loved you and never was going to.'' 

Kevin spun around, facing yet again Ryan's demonic heartless image, unsmiling in the mirror. Kevin braced himself, waiting for the taunting to continue. Silence. Kevin felt suddenly uneasy, a chill cutting him to his bones. He took a step closer, then closer still. ''Oh God!'' It wasn't Ryan ---- 

It was him. 

//////////////////////////////////// 

Scott Baldwin grabbed the phone angrily, ''What? Who's there? This had better be good.'' He reached for his watch, squinting to read it's digital face and groaned. ''Come on, speak up! It's after midnight for crying out loud.'' 

''Scott?'' Scott was dazed, instantly recognizing the hesitant voice. ''Scott, can I speak to Lucy?'' 

''You've got to be kidding! Call back tomorrow.'' 

''I'm sorry - but I have to speak to her now.'' On the other end of the line, Kevin was desperately holding on to both his nerve and his temper. He could hear Lucy, her voice full of sleep but very by asking Scott who was on the phone. Kevin's heart dropped, but he managed to hold on until - 

''Kevin? Kevin, what's wrong?'' She sounded worried. Honestly worried. 

''Nothing. Everything. I need to talk to you Lucy.'' 

Lucy paused for a moment, ''Sure. I can stop by after I take Serena to school.'' 

''No. Now, please.'' 

''What does he want?'' Scott's voice low and urgent in the background. Lucy's responding ''Shhhh.'' 

''Doc,'' Lucy's voice was calm and gentle. ''Tell me what's going on. Are you all right?'' 

''Lucy we have to talk. It has to be now. It can't wait and I can't explain it over the phone. If you're not here in 30 minutes - ''Kevin knew he sounded crazy and unreasonable, making demands in the middle of the night, but he was unable to stop himself. ''then don't bother to come.'' 

The line was quiet for what felt like an eternity. ''Okay.'' Lucy hung up the phone. Kevin sat down on the staircase, repeating the word to himself. She didn't say whether she was coming or not coming. Just okay. Kevin looked at the clock, thinking he would pray if he knew what to pray for. Lucy to come? Even if she did, then what? 

Lucy didn't have to look at Scott to know he was very, very angry. ''I have to go.'' 

Scott grabbed her arm. ''I don't think so.'' 

Part 4  
Scott stood in front of her. ''Go back to bed Lucy.'' 

Lucy smiled at Scott, deliberately giving it her Lucy all. She knew she was placating but she just had to leave. At least he had let go of her arm - a good sign. Lucy knew her ''pal'', sure he had a stubborn streak but he knew when to be reasonable. If only she had more time to explain this - whatever it was - properly. ''Scott. . .'' 

''There is nothing happening to Kevin that can't wait till morning.'' 

Lucy could feel her hopes of reasonable vaporizing away. ''Pal, he sounded really upset.'' 

''Then let Eve handle it. She's most capable of providing him...'' Scott's lips curled up into a slight smirk, ''comfort.'' 

Lucy tried not to wince at the mention of Eve's name. The warm feeling that had surrounded her after Kevin's phone call, whatever the reason, began to disappear. 

She hoped her voice sounded matter-of-fact. ''BUt he didn't call Eve, he called me.'' Lucy took a deep breath. ''It sounded important. I have to go.'' 

''No. It's important that you stay.'' Scott insisted. ''Can't you see that?'' Scott took Lucy's hand. His hand on her's felt so familiar - so safe. ''Don't let him do this to you - to us.'' 

Lucy touched Scott's cheek and smiled. ''I'm just visiting a friend.'' 

Scott stared at Lucy in what she perceived as disbelief, and then started to laugh - but the sound wasn't mirthful. Scott sat down on the edge of the bed. ''Your friend? Luce, '' Scott shook his head as if dismissing the laughter. ''Kevin is not your friend. I am many things, but one of them is not stupid.'' Lucy fought the urge to glance at the alarm clock, knowing it would only make the situation worse. All at once, everything seemed so urgent - she could almost feel it in the air. ''You and Kevin will never be just friends. We both know that.'' Scott ran his fingers through his hair. ''Have you forgotten about the committment you made to me Lucy? To Serena?'' He locked eyes with Lucy who, for a startling second, felt his pain - and his love. The next words were a whisper. ''To us?'' 

''Of course not.'' Lucy sat down next to him. 

This time she made sure she wasn't looking into his eyes. ''Scott this has nothing to do with us. He's in pain.'' 

''And I don't care.'' 

''You don't mean that.'' 

''Yes. Yes I do. Do I sound heartless and cruel? Probably.'' Scott sighed. ''Things are different now. I'm older. You're...'' Scott paused as if searching for the right word.''...more sophisticated.'' Lucy smiled sadly. ''This wandering in and out of each other's lives...'' 

''I'm not wandering out of your life -'' 

''Yes you are. If you walk out that door, you are...and I'm not going to put up with it.'' 

''What are you saying? I can't have any friends except for you? No life outside of you and Serena?'' Lucy fought to control her anger. ''Gee Pal, why don't you just clock me over the head and drag me back to your cave! You know how I feel about you...'' 

Scott looked up. ''Do I? Do I really?'' 

''...and Serena, but if you expect or hope that I'll just give up everything - '' 

''Not everything.'' Scott growled quietly, reminding them both that Serena was still in bed asleep. ''Just this one thing. One lousy thing for the sake of the relationship, for this family.'' 

''Kevin.'' 

''Is that asking for too much? I don't think so.'' 

Tears welled up in Lucy's eyes, and this time she did look at the alarm clock. Time was moving too quickly - her life seemed to be spinning out of control. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Eight minutes. Eight of the longest and most agonizing minutes of Kevin's life. Kevin stood up and wandered to the bookshelf. A diversion, that was what he needed. Something to take his mind off Lucy. Anything to shake the cold persistent feeling that Ryan was lurking in every dark corner and shadow of the house. Without a thought he pulled out the first book he had touched and sat down on the couch. The second he glanced at the title he dropped the book like it was a live cobra. One of the alphabet mysteries he used to share with Felicia. A mystery - as in General Homicide. The book that had caused him and so many others so much pain and destruction. For what seemed like the millioneth time, he wondered what had possessed him to write that book. At the time, it had felt so harmless - a safe symbolic punching bag during that whole nightmare that was Rex Stanton. Kevin stopped himself. That road was too dark, too dangerous,and too well travelled and it always led him back to the same place. 

Lucy. 

TV. That should numb his thoughts for him. As he flipped on the television, he glanced once again at the clock. Ten minutes. Only ten minutes had passed. He turned his attention, almost desperately, to the television screen and laughed softly as he came face to face with an over eager, over madeup woman extolling the news that he was only one phone call away from an exciting future. A psychic. 

''...your fate, your future, your destiny is only a phone call away.'' 

Madame Maia, redux. Just what the doctor didn't order. Click. The screen went blank but it was too late. His mind began to cloud with memories of - 

Suddenly Kevin jumped up and spun around. There was a sound coming from upstairs. Laughter. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

''I've got the best idea. Why don't you make a batch of your famous apple pancakes - make sure you put in extra cinnamon 'cause you know Siggy likes extra cinnamon. I'll be back in plenty of time for all of us to have breakfast together and we'll take Serena to school and - '' She was babbling and she knew it. 

''Did you hear what I said?'' Scott stood up, leaving Lucy on the edge of the bed by herself. 

''I was trying to be polite and pretend like I didn't. Scott you can't honestly expect me to never ever see Kevin again. We have a history, we are friends whether you choose to believe that or not.'' 

''Like we have a history.'' Scott said flatly. ''Like we're friends. And we know how well that turned out.'' Images of Florida and the mansion drifted into Lucy's mind and heart. Of her and Scott and the ''magic'' that had taken place there. And then Kevin walked into Lucy's hotel room shattering - Lucy shook her head. The clock was ticking. 

''It's over between Kevin and me.'' 

''He doesn't love you. He refuses to forgive you. But I did. And I always, always will. We are soulmates, remember? We are Serena's parents. We are the ones with the true 'history'''. Scott threw his hands into the air. ''What do you think that he's going to be waiting for you on bended knee, begging for you to come back? 'Cause it's not going to happen.'' Scott's words cut into her like a knife. ''I know you think I'm trying to hurt you and I'm not. I'm trying to save you from a huge mistake.'' Scott knelt down before Lucy taking her hands into his. ''Come back to bed. Forget about this. He already has.'' Scott brushed away the tear on Lucy's cheek. ''And you will too.'' 

Lucy looked at Scott through her veil of tears. She took his face in her hands, leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips. She looked into that beautiful face - she loved so much - and fought off the feeling that it was for the last time. ''My pal, my partner, my best friend...my love. This house - you and Serena - my sweet, sweet Serena. Do you know how I longed and dreamed about this?'' 

Scott smiled. ''Together at last, Luce.'' 

''Together at last.'' Lucy smiled. This was going to be hard, probably the hardest thing she had ever attempted to do - but also the most right. She closed her eyes tight for a second, mustering courage, and opened them - looking deep into Scott's blue familiar eyes. ''I'm going to see Kevin. I still love him. I won't deny and I'm not ashamed of it. But this isn't about him or what I feel for you. Things need to be said between me and Kevin.'' Lucy stood up, facing the door mirror and staring at her reflection. ''And I think maybe some space is needed between you and me.'' 

''Let me get this straight. You are going to walk out of here - leave me and our child - because of a man who doesn't love you enough to forgive you?'' 

''I'll explain this to Serena. I would never leave her - '' 

''Just me.'' Scott lowered his head, his hands clasped together. 

''No, I will always come when you need me. Pals forever right? It's just that it's time I took care of myself. I need time. I need space. My own place. All my life I have wandered from someone else's house to another house - from one man to another. I need to find out who Lucy is. I'm tired of drifting...'' Lucy leaned over and kissed Scott on the cheek. ''...have a good life Pal. I love you.'' 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Slowly, mechanically Kevin turned out all the lights and locked the doors. He looked up the staircase and realized he couldn't face that emptiness. He headed for the study instead. He put on the earphones, leaned back in the chair, and let the sounds of Mozart fill his senses. It would block out the pain, the anger, the memories - 

Even the sound of Kevin's own tears. An hour had passed by. He had her answer - No. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

D@mmit. Lucy had knocked, rang and banged on the door of the Lighthouse for what seemed like forever. She had yelled Kevin's name too many times to count to no avail. It had been one catastrophe after another after she left the Firehouse. The car had gotten a flat, she was forced to walk miles in her heels before finding the one and only cab driver in Port Charles who did not know where the Lighthouse was located. It took all of Lucy's self control, and Lucy knew herself well enough to know she didn't have much to spare, to take over the wheel and drive herself. She was now very, very late. Lucy looked up - well that explained all her bad luck. A full moon. Moon madness. 

''Kevin!'' No answer still, just the mocking silence of the Lighthouse. She was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. She started to walk around a bit and found herself by the duckpond. She sat down. It was 2 a.m. She couldn't go back to the Firehouse. She was cold, she didn't have a car and Kevin - Lucy had tried not to cry but her resolve was slipping faster than the tears racing down her cheeks. 

He watched her sobbing from behind the parted curtain and closed it. Ryan turned, wearing the biggest grin belonging to anyone, alive or dead. He strutted over to the mirror over the fireplace and gleefully checked out his reflection. 

''You handsome devil.'' he whispered, smoothing his goatee and adding a little wink. Ryan laughed. This was more fun than he'd ever imagined ------- 

Part 5 
  

What a great start to a ''new'' life - here she was sobbing into the darkness, alone in the cold. Lucy brushed the tear rolling down her cheek away. She stood up and stared at the Lighthouse - the place she once called home. It was familiar, mysterious - and even filled Lucy with a sense of unease. It must be the moonlight - or more likely her overactive imagination working overtime. She gave herself a shake. This was ridiculous. It was way past time to cut her losses and walk away. Just walk away Lucy and don't bother to look back. She began to do just that, fighting off the exhaustion and dull ache that weighed down her heart. Surely, even in this ungodly hour, she could find a cab. 

Lucy stopped and spun around. She stared back at the Lighthouse again, not even knowing what she was searching for. She looked up and something caught her eye in the third story window. Or did it? Even though she tried to ignore it, a panicky feeling overcame her and she ran back to the Lighthouse. 

''Kevin?'' Lucy tried the door once again and yelled out Kevin's name. Silence. ''Kevin!'' Maybe, by some miracle, the backdoor was unlocked. She was considering her options as she walked - she could call Garcia or better yet Victor - when she saw something that stopped her short. The French doors were broken, glass ominously scattered on the ground. Inside it was dark. Lucy's panic deepened, almost paralyzing her. She tentatively walked to the door, peering inside. Nothing seemed to have been disturbed - the tv was still there, Kevin's laptop. ''Anyone home?'' Careful to avoid glass fragments Lucy entered the room. Although noone answered her calls, she knew she wasn't alone. She trusted her instincts - they never let her down. Kevin was somewhere in the house and she meant to find him. She moved toward the kitchen and saw a light seeping through the study. 

Quietly she opened the door and a blinding sense of relief replaced the panic. He was alive. He was safe. ''Kevin.'' Her voice was soft - she almost hated to disturb him. He was leaning back in the chair, his eyes closed but Lucy knew he wasn't asleep. ''Doc, I'm here.'' No response. Lucy touched him lightly on the arm. 

Kevin gasped and bolted out of the chair, ripping his head phones off. For a second, they simply stared at each other, as if neither one was quite willing to believe the other was there. ''Lucy?'' 

Lucy smiled shyly ''Hey Doc,'' she managed a little shrug, ''I'm here.'' Her smile began to fade as Kevin's eyes darkened with anger. They were cold. Pinpoints of near blackness. 

''Go Lucy. Go home. Go now.'' Kevin said flatly. 

''But....'' Lucy hadn't known what to expect from Kevin - but his punch in the stomach certainly wasn't it. ''You invited me here, remember?'' 

''What I remember is is that the invitation expired over an hour ago.'' Kevin turned his back on her methodically shifting through his CD collection. ''Go home. Go to Scott. I don't care - just go away.'' 

''Go away?!'' Lucy felt her eyes burning with tears caused by the fury building up inside her. ''Because I didn't follow your silly timetable as you ordered me to?'' 

''Lucy,'' Kevin smiled, not even bothering to turn around. ''Spare me your dramatic ----'' 

Lucy had had enough. She was tired. She was overwhelmed by the constant shifting of her emotions and she was now very, very angry. She grabbed Kevin by the shoulder and jerked him around. ''Don't you EVER dare speak to me in that dismissive, obnoxious, superior tone of yours again! I turned my entire life upside down to answer your pathetic SOS and my reward? You treat me like dirt under your shoe.'' She paused, but wasn't surprised what she got no response. ''Last time pal. LAST time. Don't you ever call ever again Kevin Collins! I may have had to - or rather chosen to - take that crap when we were together but we're not and I won't. Not now, not ever!'' 

Kevin icily stared into Lucy's eyes. ''I never held a gun to your head to stay with me. I never wanted your pity. As far as the - how did you so eloquently phrase it? - crap went - I think we're both even in that department. Go back to your wonderful life with Scott. Enjoy it. In fact - I'm sure you will.'' 

''You know,'' Lucy whispered her eyes never leaving Kevin's ''You are more like your brother than I ever imagined.'' Something cold twisted in Kevin's stomach. Lucy turned and walked out of the room without another word. 

Kevin sat down, shaking with his pain and rage, no longer trusting his legs to support him. His pain was compounded by the pain he knew he caused Lucy - stupidly, selfishly. It was over and done between them now. It was time to let her go. 

/////////////////////////////////////////// 

Outside the tears froze on Lucy's face. She ran her fingers through her long hair, taking deep breaths, trying to compose herself. She tried her cellphone - perfect! The batteries were dead. It was fine. It would be okay. She would simply walk to the hotel, check herself in, sleep the day away and then - then she would begin her new life. She resolutely slung her bag back over her shoulders and adjusted the collar around her coat ----- 

''Did you ever love me?'' Almost a whisper. Lucy turned slowly. Kevin was standing outside on the patio, without a jacket. Lucy could see he was shivering but was unsure if it was from the cold or something else. Lucy's heart ached - even yet - for him but she had had enough. Enough for tonight and for an entire lifetime. 

''For God's sake Kevin, '' Lucy sighed, ''I am no longer in the mood. Go back in the house. I'm going...home.'' Lucy turned her back to him, starting once more to walk away. 

''I never trusted you.'' Lucy stopped but kept her back to him. ''I wanted to. I tried. Truly tried. Even with all your plots and schemes you never gave me a reason not to trust you - I just didn't. My entire life - the only thing I could really count on was the people I loved lying to me, leaving me, betraying me. Except you. And you trusted me.'' Kevin shuddered. ''Even, especially, when I didn't trust myself.'' 

Lucy turned around, new tears forming in her eyes as she walked toward him. ''Kevin, what is this all about? Phone calls in the middle of the night - the broken glass - and now this ----'' 

''I need you to know this. I loved you with everything in me....but I couldn't bring myself to trust you. I doomed you - me - us to failure. I was wrong Lucy. Yes, I gave you my heart but not what you - what we needed. I think I could now.'' They stood in silence for a few minutes. It felt like an eternity to both of them. 

''How could you doubt the love I had for you? The love I still have for you.'' 

''I don't know.'' Kevin said sadly. ''I just do - I just did.'' 

''You know sometimes I think you and me weren't meant to be together. We're both fools for even attempting - but I do know this. I have never have and I never will love anyone the way I loved you - or have been hurt by someone so badly. And not just once Kevin, but over and over again.'' 

Kevin's eyes filled with tears. He studied the duckpond for a moment. ''I know. I know I did. You hurt me and yet every moment is still consumed by you. I reach for you in the night and you're not there. It's like I'm not there either. I can't go on like this Lucy - trapped in the past - unable to move to the future. I want...I need peace. I think we both do.'' 

Lucy laughed. ''A clean slate?'' Kevin nodded, a faint smile playing on his lips. ''And do what Kevin? Begin again? Start where we left off? I don't think I want that. I left Scott tonight.'' Kevin's eyes widened in shock. ''I needed my own space, my own place, my own time to figure out who I am. To find out who Lucy Coe really is. To end the cycle of misjudgments that I trap myself with.'' Kevin reached out, his hand gazing her wet cheek. He silently wiped away a tear. 

''It's beautiful. Perfect.'' 

''What?'' 

''The sunrise. Behind you. It's another day Lucy.'' She turned around to see and for a precious few seconds they revelled in it's magnitude. In their isolation, it felt like it was created just for them. Time stood still, became meaningless. 

Kevin tapped Lucy on the shoulder. ''Hi,'' reaching out his hand, ''I'm Kevin Collins.'' 

Lucy thought for a second that he had truly lost his mind. Then she realized what he was doing. ''Hello, I'm Lucy Coe.'' 

''Coe? Coe.'' Kevin said playfully, his smile shooting through Lucy's heart. ''I don't think I know anyone by that name. But I do know a beautiful woman when I see one and I just had to introduce myself.'' 

''I see.'' Lucy returned Kevin's smile. ''I didn't mean to intrude. My car broke down leaving me semistranded. I was hoping to borrow your phone.'' 

Kevin took Lucy's hand in his. ''Not only will I offer you my phone but a ride to wherever you need to be as well. But first things, first. I usually have a Cappuccino in the morning.'' 

''I LOVE Cappuccino.'' Lucy explained as they entered the house together. ''Do you have any cinnamon sticks?'' Kevin groaned. ''Hey, how about some whipped cream?'' 

From his vantage point of the upstairs window he had seen it all. Even as Lucy and his brother disappeared from his view he could still hear them arguing good naturedly about how to drinka cappuccino. Ryan wasn't going to allow himself to get upset - not yet. No use jumping to conclusions. 
He turned back around, refacing the future. It could all still work out - 

''That has got to be.'' Ryan heard Ellen say, ''the worst joke I have ever heard.'' She entered the room first. 

''Isn't that why man invented medical conferences? For the exchange of bad jokes?'' NO!! Ryan screamed inside his head. It couldn't be! Nothing had changed. It was still as it had been - 

''Doc!'' Lucy leapt into Kevin's waiting arms and kissed him. ''I wasn't expecting you for a few more hours.'' 

Kevin hugged her tightly and then kissed her passionately, playfully, very slowly. His face very close to hers, he played with a few strands of her hair that had been shaken loose. ''Yeah but that meant I had to be away. Stay away from you. Stay away from Lucy Coe-Collins? I don't think so as we are simply meant to be.'' They smiled at each other as Ellen tiptoed out of the house, forgotten. ''Inevitable.'' 

Ryan glared - his eyes twin mirrors of hate and rage. The sight of them was making him ill. The scene faded and Ryan was left alone in the cold black darkness. His home. His prison. It wasn't supposed to be like this! His plans - ruined. Kevin still had everything while he was left with nothing. Where had he gone wrong? Nothing, he had been perfect. It was Kevin and his stupid luck. Stupid, STUPID, STUPID. Ryan took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. He must think clearly. It was important - it was imperative. He always did his best work when he was calm. It was a setback. His confidence slowly returned along with his grin. a setback, simple as that. Next time he would ensure things would end differently. He just had to work harder - come up with a better plan. Ryan started that long lonely walk. The next moment would be his. There was always a next time ........ 
  

THE END 

''After all that we've been through. It comes down to me and you. I guess it's meant to be. Forever you and me. After all.'' (Peter Cetera, After All) 

I want to thank everyone who has encouraged us and commented on this story. Please let us know if you liked it - or didn't. I want to thank Zoe without her help this - my first and maybe my last fanfic - may have never happened. I appreciate all her time and effort. And, most of all, her friendship. 

Tammy