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Chapter 16
Chris sat on the sofa in his apartment watching the lights on the Christmas tree twinkle then dance around the tree. Eve had tried to get him in the Christmas spirit but this year was a hard sell. This year was suppose to be different. His wife was suppose to be here to share the holidays with him, but instead she was behind bars. And oddly enough, it wasn't even her that he was thinking about at the moment.
Karen stood at her patio door looking up at the stars that were sparkling against the night sky. Joe had gone home to spend time with Neil on Christmas Eve. She knew that Joe needed some time with Neil before he could contemplate how to tell the boy that he wasn't his father. She knew that it was best if she weren't there. She knew that she should feel left out on some level. And maybe she did, but it wasn't Joe that she felt like she was missing.
Chris stood and walked to the window looking up at the stars. He wondered why he was feeling this way and why it was about that woman. He guessed that it was because she had done what he truly wanted to do. She had turned her life around and walked the line of the straight and narrow. She had become a person that people respected, trusted, and admired. He had to admit that he felt all of those things for her as well, but still....
Karen walked across her apartment and looked at the small Christmas tree there. She sat down beside the tree and watched the lights flash on and off in random order. Why was she thinking about him?? She knew why but she didn't want to face it. He always seemed cool and never seemed to let anything rattle him for long. He always had a comeback for any wrong done to him or any thing he thought might be done towards him. He didn't take abuse from anyone, and usually he was the one in control. She liked that. She used to have that. She wanted it back. But at what price and what would she do to get it......
After standing at the window for a while, Chris frowned before stepping over to the stereo and selecting a Christmas CD to listen to. He started the music and turned to walk into the kitchen when there was a knock at the door. He glanced at his watch and wondered who would be at his door at this hour. He walked to the door and opened it. He smiled when he saw who his visitor was.
Chris: "Couldn't get enough of me, could you?"
Karen smiled and questioned her own judgment about being here. She didn't know what had possessed her to come here, but she was here now and she might as well enjoy herself.
Karen: "Honestly? No, I don't guess I could."
His eyes widened and he smiled as he opened the door further, inviting her in.
Chris: "Here to stroke my ego?"
Karen: "I'm not here to stroke anything, Chris," She smiled.
Chris: "Damn," He said in playful disappointment.
She stepped inside and smiled as she began unbuttoning her jacket. She slid out of the material and draped it over the arm of the sofa as she turned back to face him.
Karen: "I guess I needed someone to talk to."
Chris: "I"m flattered you chose me."
Karen: "I think it was you that I needed to talk to."
Chris: "Careful. My ego will be thinking of clever comebacks to that one," He teased with a smile.
She laughed softly.
Karen: "See, that's exactly what I needed. I don't want to think about how complicated my life is about to become. I just want to relax."
Chris: "Then, let's relax. Want a cup of hot chocolate?"
Karen: "That's relaxing?"
Chris: "I don't drink at Christmas. It's just a rule of mine. The other three hundred sixty-four days of the year are fair game, but Christmas I stay sober."
Karen raised a curious eyebrow.
Karen: "It's not even Christmas yet."
Chris: "Close enough," He smiled, "So you want a cup?"
Karen: "Yeah, I'll take one."
They stepped into the kitchen where Chris started warming the milk. He looked over to her and saw the strange smile on her lips.
Chris: "What's on your mind?"
Karen: "I don't know."
Chris: "Sure you do. What is it?"
Karen: "I truly and honestly don't know, Chris. Have you ever thought your life was perfect and then something else comes along and it makes you wonder if everything was really as perfect as you thought it was?"
Chris: "Yeah, I have," He said nodding, "Why? What happened?"
Karen: "I'm just wondering if my life with Joe is really what I want."
He stood silent for a moment before finishing the hot chocolate and handing her a mug.
Chris: "Does this have anything to do with last night?"
She took the warm cup from his hand and looked into his eyes wondering what it was he was thinking about, wondering if he felt confused like she did. But somehow, she felt that was impossible. He was Chris Ramsey. He was too calculated for that.
Karen: "Maybe," She whispered and looked into his eyes, "I'm thinking that I'm confused."
Chris: "About what?" He asked as they walked into the den and sat on the sofa.
Karen: "Chris, I don't think my relationship with Joe is going to work out."
Chris: "Why not? You two seemed pretty cozy today at the Recovery Room."
Karen: "I think we just do that out of habit. It doesn't mean what it used to. It's just an involuntary action."
Chris: "You aren't in love with him anymore," He stated simply.
Karen: "No, I don't think I am," She agreed, "I care about him but not like I once did. I used to feel my heart skip a beat when he came into the room. Now, I wonder why I'm still with him."
Chris: "It sounds to me like you know how you're feeling. Why the confusion?"
Karen: "Why do I feel so bad about last night?"
Chris: "You were drunk, Karen. People often do things they don't mean. You shouldn't feel guilty."
Karen: "That's just it, Chris. I don't feel guilty. If any thing, I wish you hadn't stopped me," She said honestly, "If I feel guilty, it's because I don't feel guilty."
Chris thought he was hearing things for a moment before he saw the look in her eyes. She was being open with him, honestly telling him that she had enjoyed being with him and it wasn't alcohol talking this time.
Chris: "Karen, do you realize what it is that you're telling me?"
Karen: "That I wanted to be your arms last night and touch you and have you touch me and just be with you? Yeah, I realize that. I enjoy being with you, Chris. I've had more fun with you in the past two or three days than I've had with Joe in the last six months. I'm not saying that I want to get into a deep relationship with you. You're married to Julie and even if you weren't, I don't think that I'm ready for that now. I just want to know fun and you are fun to me."
Chris: "Are you prepared for that? Are you prepared for what it means to be close to me?" He asked seriously, "Karen, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I don't know what's going on between us. Something is definitely going on and we both know it."
Karen: "Yes we do. The question is what do we do about it. I don't care about anything else, Chris. I care about what I think and what I feel. Everyone in this town can stand on their head for all I care."
Chris: "Do you realize what Joe will do?"
Karen: "Throw a fit, get totally insanely angry, but he will have to deal with it. I need this for me."
Chris: "Then you should do it for you," He said with a supportive smile, "Sometimes you have to look out for yourself first because no one else will. I'm glad you decided to come here tonight. I was thinking about you before you got here. I was thinking about last night and about what could have happened."
Karen: "More erotic dreams on your part?" She teased with a smile.
Chris: "No," He grinned, "Although I could always whip up a spicy little tale if it would make you happy."
She laughed softly.
Karen: "How about you just tell me what it was you were thinking about last night."
Chris: "You sure? My imagination knows no bounds."
Karen: "That's what I'm afraid of," She smiled.
Chris: "You might like it," He teased.
Karen: "I might, but then again, I may feel like beating the crap out of you afterwards," She teased.
Chris: "As long as you tell me you hate me when you're done, I'm sure it would be worth it," He smiled.
She laughed softly.
Karen: "You're impossible."
Chris: "No, I'm not," He grinned, "I'm entirely possible."
Karen: "Are you going to tell me what you were thinking or not?"
Chris: "I'm thinking that I won't now. I'm getting attitude and I have to admit that I'm enjoying it."
Karen: "You like abuse," She looked at him skeptically, "I just think you're fishing."
Chris: "For what?"
Karen: "To hear me say the three words which you seem to enjoy."
He grinned.
Chris: "So why don't you?"
Karen: "Why do you need them?"
Chris: "You know why."
Karen: She rolled her eyes while she smiled, "Just tell me what you were thinking about already."
Chris: "You ruin all my fun," He said playfully, "But I guess I do owe you an explaination of what I was thinking."
Karen: "Yes, you do."
Chris: "You didn't have to agree so quickly."
Karen: "Just tell me!" She said while she pushed his arm playfully.
Chris: "Okay, okay. I'll tell you. I was just kind of playing out in my mind what had happened today and what happened last night and wondering if things had gone the way you'd wanted them to, would we still have set down to lunch with Joe today like nothing happened?"
Karen: "I think today would have went much differently. I would never have been able to tell Joe the entire truth about Christina and Neil and Frank. He never would have listened."
Chris: "That's what I thought. Things all work out the way their suppose to, I guess."
Karen: "Things could have worked out a lot differently last night if you hadn't turned me down."
Chris: "Still interested?" He asked with a grin.
She laughed at the look on his face.
Karen: "If I thought you were serious, I'd have to deck you."
Chris: "Why? Because I'd go along with you this time? Why would that be such a bad thing?"
Karen: "It wouldn't."
Chris: "Then why would you deck me?"
Karen: "Because I didn't come here to seduce you tonight"
Chris: "You sure?"
Karen: "Does it look like I'm trying to seduce you?"
Chris: "It didn't start that way last night either."
Karen: "I was drunk last night. That kind of accelerated things."
Chris: "What does that mean? That you'd like to eventually?"
Karen: "I didn't say that."
Chris: "You didn't have to."
Karen: "God, you're infuriating!"
Chris: "You like me that way."
Karen: "How do you figure?"
Chris: "If you didn't, you wouldn't be here."
Karen: "You've got me there."
Chris: "No, I've got you here. That's something to be proud of in itself."
Karen smiled and relaxed into the sofa. Chris watched her get comfortable and smiled. This night had turned out differently than either one of them had thought it would. Karen expected to sit at home and wonder about Joe while Chris had expected to sit at home and wonder where things with Julie had gone so horribly wrong. The night's turn of events were definitely more interesting and enjoyable then either of their expectations.
Karen listened for a moment as the CD changed switched cds and a new song began to play.
Karen: "I've never heard this before, but I like it."
Chris listened for a moment before he recognized the song.
Chris: "This is a band I heard in Manhattan one time. I thought they were interesting so I bought one of their cds. Then, I liked that so I bought all of their cds. They cost a pretty penny because I had to import most of them from Japan, but it was worth it because this music is so relaxing."
Karen: "Yeah, it is. And it sounds beautiful."
I give to you &
you give to me.
It's equally cool
to give and receive
Just bring me your
kisses
And ring me your bells
And the magic of Christmas
you'll know well
Chris: "How about a dance?"
Karen: "Promise to behave yourself?"
Chris: "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that question?" He asked with a teasing grin, "Of course I'll behave."
Karen: "Okay, then I promise to behave myself too."
They set their mugs on an end table before he extended his hand to her and led her into his arms.
Trust in your heart
It's going to be fine
I open yours baby
And you open mine
Feel it already
Like soft distant
drums
We'll be there together
when Christmas comes
Chris smiled at her as they began dancing slowly. She looked into his eyes and returned his smile.
Karen: "Whoever would have thought that the two of us would be here dancing like this?"
Chris: "No one would have. Even if you told them that we were doing this very thing and they could see us at this very moment, they wouldn't believe it."
Karen: "You're right. They wouldn't."
Chris: "Do you believe it?" He asked whimsically, "Just out of curiousity."
Karen: "Barely. If anyone would have told me that you and I would be like this even a few days ago, I would have told them they were a little crazy."
Chris: "Only a little?" He teased.
Karen: "Don't get me started," She laughed softly as she relaxed into his arms.
We can make Christmas
come every night of the year
We can rise above
the sorrow and the fear
Look up to the heavens
There's one star above
Make a wish and believe
it
Chris: "Maybe I should get you started. I think I like it when you get your wool up."
Karen: "You just want me to tell you how I feel about you."
Chris: "Whatever do you mean?" He asked with an innocent smile.
Karen: "Shut up, Chris," She teased with a smile.
Make it love, my love
Wish for love, my
love
Give me your love,
my love
Christmas love
Chris: "Not going to tell me you hate me? I think I'm disappointed."
Karen: "Don't be," She whispered before pressing her lips to his.
We've waited all year
For this night to
come
We'll ride with the
angels
Before we're all done
It's almost religious
This feeling inside
You touch me there
baby
And I want to die
Chris returned her soft kiss and slowly deepened the kiss, holding her body close to his. She sighed gently sinking completely into the kiss, holding onto him as if he were the only thing in the world. It was a moment before Karen realized they had stopped swaying to the music and merely stood holding one another in the most intimate kiss she had ever been a party to. She felt at home in this embrace as if she'd waited her entire life to feel this way.
We can make Christmas
come every night of the year
We can rise above
the anger and the fear
Look up to the heavens
There's one star above
Make a wish and believe
it
When their lips parted, Karen lowered her head as they both tried to steady their breathing. She looked back up into his eyes and spoke after a moment.
Karen: "I'd better go."
Chris: "Karen," He started to protest.
Karen: "Shh," She said softly placing a fingertip over his lips, "It's not because of you. It's me. There's nothing more I want to do than stay here and finish this, but it can't be like this."
Chris: "Not while we both have other obligations," He said softly, "I understand. I don't like it, but I understand it."
She nodded and slowly moved out of his arms. She grabbed her coat and put it on slowly as she moved towards the door. Chris followed her and stood by her while she opened the door. She turned back around to face him and smiled.
Karen: "Merry Christmas."
Chris: He smiled, "Merry Christmas, Karen."
She watched him for a moment before pressing her lips to his in a tender kiss before leaving.
Make it love, my love
Wish for love, my
love
Give me your love,
my love
Christmas love
Chapter 17--December 25, 1999--Christmas Day
Chris sat at the nurse's station on the sixth floor with the file folder in his lap. He was almost afraid to look inside at the results, but at the same time, he sincerely hoped that everything had been worth it. He opened the file slowly and looked over the results before picking up the phone and dialing the Scanlon house. Courtney answered the phone.
Courtney: "Scanlon Residence."
Chris: "Let me speak with Joe."
Courtney: "He's with Neil right now. It'll have to wait."
Chris: "Even if I have Neil's latest test results right in front of my eyes and think I may have found a donor for him?"
Courtney: "Who? How did you?"
Chris: "I don't want to get into details. Let me talk to Joe."
Courtney gave the phone to Joe who answered.
Joe: "This is Joe."
Chris: "Joe, I've got good news. Christina's a match."
Joe: "That's great. Have you called Scott and Lucy yet?"
Chris: "No, I thought I'd leave that to you."
Joe: "I know this is going to sound insane, but can you do me a favor?"
Chris: "Me? Doing you a favor? That does sound a little insane, but I'm willing to do it as long as it's legal."
Joe laughed.
Joe: "Of course it's legal. Can you find out who the pediatric oncologist on-call is?"
Chris: "Already did that. I knew you'd want to try to get this scheduled as soon as possible. It's Dr. Taylor."
Joe: "Thanks Chris. I owe you one."
Chris: "I'll remember you said that," He said as they ended their phone call. He closed the file folder and looked up to see Eve watching him intently, "What?"
Eve: "You. What is with you lately?"
Chris: "What do you mean?" He asked confused.
Eve: "You were just on the phone with Joe, right?"
Chris: "Yeah, so?"
Eve: "You had a civil, dare I say, even friendly conversation with him. I even saw you laugh. You've been hanging around Karen and something is going on with you two that I don't understand. I just think something is up with you."
Chris: "Must be the Christmas season, Lambert," He smiled, "I'll be back to my dastardly self in no time at all."
Eve: "Don't do it on my account. I like this. I think it's a little strange, but I like it."
Chris: "Eve, you're reading too much into things. I'm just happy and spreading good cheer. Is that really so strange?"
Eve: "For you? Yes."
Chris: "Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf."
Eve: "Sure you are," She said, eyeing him skeptically.
Karen stepped off the elevator and was stopped by a nurse as soon as the doors closed. Chris spotted her and immediately joined her, leaving Eve behind. Eve watched them intently, trying to understand what Chris was really up to.
Chris held out the file folder to Karen with a smile.
Chris: "She's a match."
Karen: "Really?" She asked with a smile as she took the file and read the results for herself, "That's great! Does Joe know?"
Chris: "I called him just a few minutes ago. I thought Christmas would be a little merrier with hope right around the corner. Joe's going to speak with Doctor Taylor about scheduling the procedure."
Karen: "That's great. This is so wonderful for Neil."
Chris: "Yes it is. I'm glad to know that he won't have to wait for the baby to be a donor, but maybe he can be healthy by the time his baby brother or sister arrives. I just wish I had known sooner that he didn't have a donor. He could have been healing this entire time."
Karen: "But we know now and we'll go from there. I can't think of a better Christmas present."
Chris: "Me either. I'm glad it worked out this way."
Karen: "I am too. This calls for a celebration. You're having lunch with me."
Chris: "Thanks for making plans for me," He teased with a smile, "When are you going over to see Joe?"
Karen: "After my shift."
Chris: "What time are you off? Six?"
Karen: "Yeah, so you're having lunch with me?"
Chris: "Definitely, considering I haven't been given much of a choice," He smiled.
Karen: "Like you've never defied authority before," She teased.
Chris: "Okay, point taken."
She laughed softly.
Karen: "I'll meet you around one in the cafeteria, okay?"
Chris: "Sounds great," He nodded before Karen went off to rounds.
Chapter 18
Chris: "Okay, you've got me for an hour, don't you feel lucky?" He asked as he sank into the chair beside Karen in the cafeteria.
Karen: "You'd better believe it," She laughed as she watched him sit beside her.
Chris: "It's good to know that I'm appreciated."
Karen: She smiled as she took a potato chip from his tray, "More than you know."
Chris: "I don't think I like this. You may never tell me that you hate me again," He frowned playfully, "I don't think I could live that way."
Karen: "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll do or say something that will warrant that reaction."
Chris: "Probably," He grinned.
Karen: "I heard from Joe. Dr. Taylor is consulting with the other pediatric oncologists. They're scheduling the extraction for Monday morning."
Chris: "How did Courtney take the news?"
Karen: "According to Joe, she was excited but confused. He didn't tell her who the donor was. He's waiting for Frank."
Chris: "I wouldn't want to be there when that goes down. Frank is probably not going to give an inch once the truth is out. And Joe is going to lose everything. I really kind of feel bad for the guy."
Karen: "I do. He loves Neil will all his heart. He would do anything that for that little boy."
Chris: "I think he is. He's giving up his claim as a father so that Neil can live and be healthy. I think that doing that says a lot about his dedication to Neil."
Karen: "Yeah, I think it does."
Chris: "What about Scott and Lucy?"
Karen: "They're happy to help Neil even though they're not looking forward to the pain that Christina will go through. They're hopeful that Neil and Christina can heal together though."
Chris: "Frank has quite the little family, doesn't he?" He asked pondering it over, "Two kids now, one on the way. And he couldn't really claim any of them. I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of feel sorry for Frank too. To watch your son call another man father, especially your own brother, that had to be rough. I'm surprised that Frank didn't explode over that one."
Karen: "I'm afraid that's exactly what will happen when Joe confronts him."
Chris: "But at least Neil is going to be okay. That's the important part.":
Karen: "Yeah it is. So what about you? Have you heard from Julie?"
Chris: "No. She was restricted from phone privileges after her escape. I was thinking about going out there to visit her today. She may be a serial kiler, but she's my wife and it's Christmas."
Karen: "Yes it is," She smiled, "Tell her Merry Christmas for me."
Chris: "I will," He half-smiled, "Sounds strange, doesn' t it? This topic of Julie seems awkward."
Karen: "Yeah, it does. We seem a little awkward. I guess I just don't know what I'm thinking lately. You're married. I'm involved with someone. And here I keep throwing myself at you," She said frustrated and a little angry at herself.
Chris: "I'm always there to catch you too, aren't I?" He asked forcing her to meet his eyes, "Don't you dare feel guilty."
Karen: "Easier said than done, Chris. I should be respecting your feelings for Julie."
Chris: "Karen, my feelings for Julie are somewhere between love and hate right now. I'm not head over heels in love with her so you shouldn't feel guilty. It's not like we've been red hot lovers. . . . . . " He paused and grinned wickedly, "Well, at least not yet."
She laughed in spite of herself.
Karen: "You're pretty confident in yourself, aren't you?"
Chris: "Pretty damn confident," He smiled, "Don't worry about this. It's just beginning and my marriage was over before it even started. Julie and I were doomed before we ever got out of the gate. We just need to keep this going slow like things are now."
Karen: "How is it that all this time I've thought you were a speedy spontaneous jerk and here I come to find out that you're a slow thoughtful almost gentleman?"
Chris: "Almost gentleman?"
Karen: "Well, I have to be honest. You have your rogue moments," She grinned.
Chris: "Come on. Admit it. You like my rogue moments."
Karen: "Yeah, I do. It's part of your charm."
Chris: "My charm. Oh so that's what attracts you to me. Here I thought it was my devestatingly handsome good looks," He teased with a smile.
Karen: "Those too," She laughed.
Chris looked across the room and raised his brow in curiosity.
Chris: "Am I going delusional or is that Ellen?"
Karen looked across to see Ellen talking with Alan Quartermaine.
Karen: "That certainly is Ellen. I wonder when she got back."
Chris: "I don't know but I'm certainly glad she is. Maybe now Harmon will get his mind back on his work."
Karen: "I thought you liked being able to outshine, Matt."
He couldn't help grinning.
Chris: "I do, but not at the cost of patient care. I was beginning to think that he would compromise his patients."
Karen: "Matt's a good doctor, but you're right. He did seem distracted lately even though he's been working at a frenzied pace."
Chris: "Well, with Ellen back, maybe Matt will take some time to get his head together."
Karen: "Do you think they have a chance of making things work?" She pondered, "I mean, they were on the outs severely and Matt was upset with Ellen."
Chris: "He was worse upset that she disappeared without a trace."
Karen: "That's true. I just hope they can work things out. They seemed perfect together."
Chris: "Yeah," He nodded, "But then again, so did you and Joe."
Karen: "Appearances can be deceiving," She frowned, "I hope that Matt and Ellen will do better than Joe and I have."
Chris: "Well, here comes Ellen. You can run that by her," He said preparing to leave.
Karen: "Where do you think you're going?" She said looking at him pointedly, "Did I say you could leave?"
He grinned as he looked back at her.
Chris: "Oh, I see how this works. I'm at your every beckon call, huh?"
Karen: She smiled, "Exactly. Now make yourself comfortable. You're not leaving."
Chris: "Is there a penalty for defying authority here?"
Karen: "Yeah, I'll never say the H word again," She said with a warning smile.
Chris: "You don't play fair. That's just down and dirty."
Karen: "I have not yet gotten into the down and dirty. All in good time," She smiled as Ellen approached their table, "Ellen, it's so good to see you!"
Ellen: "It's good to be seen," She smiled then cut Chris a less than friendly glare.
Chris: "Nice to see you too, Ellen," He mused as he looked back over to Karen giving her a look that said he was leaving, "I'll see you later, Karen."
Karen: "I expect that to be tonight, Ramsey."
Chris: "Making plans for me again, Wexler?" He asked with a smile, "Bossy, bossy, bossy."
Karen: "It's the perk of being chief resident," She grinned, "Tonight. Around nine?"
Chris: "Name the place and I'm there."
Karen: "My place, and try not to be late."
Chris: "I'm always on time," He said with a smile, "When I'm interested."
Karen: "That's what I'm counting on," She smiled as Chris left the table. She looked up to see Ellen's confused look and she pointed to the vacated chair, "Have a seat, Ellen."
Ellen looked at her skeptically for a moment as she took the seat and finally spoke.
Ellen: "What was that about?"
Karen: "Chris and I are friends. He's going through some things and so am I. We're just helping each other."
Ellen: "Karen, be careful with him. You know what kind of man he is. He's not to be trusted under any circumstances."
Karen: "On the contrary, Ellen, I think I understand Chris Ramsey more and more every day. But let's drop that topic. Are you back for good or are you just here for Christmas?"
Ellen: "I'm actually back for good. I've got a lot of stuff to straighten out. I'm not even sure where to begin."
Karen: She smiled tenatively, "Actually, I'd say Matt would be the perfect starting place. He's been a little crazy without you."
Ellen: She looked up at Karen with a worried look, "I think maybe I caused that before I even left."
Karen: "Ellen, you don't understand. He's been working himself like crazy since you left. So much so that he even had Chris worried."
Ellen: "You've got to be kidding me," She said with an unbelieving tone.
Karen: "No, I'm very serious. In fact, Chris was the one that pointed out Matt's problem to the rest of us. Have you even spoken with Matt yet? He doesn't know you're back in town, does he?"
Ellen: "Not yet. I haven't decided how to go about that yet."
Karen smiled as she saw Matt enter the cafeteria.
Karen: "I'd say that now is as good a time as any. Besides, this time of year has a way of sparking new things," She smiled as she gathered her things and left the cafeteria.
Chapter 19
Chris walked into the visitors room and watched Julie as she looked up to him. She smiled for a brief moment before looking at him with anger in her eyes. She rattled her hand cuffs against the table to which she was confined.
Chris: "How are you today?"
Julie: "How do you think I am?" She snapped at him, "While you're free enjoying my money, I'm in here for a murder I didn't commit."
Chris: "What about the murders you did commit?"
Julie: "I don't know what you mean," She said defiantly.
Chris: "Julie, be honest with me," He pled sitting across from her, "We've been through too much to start being this way now."
Julie: "You didn't live up to your end of the bargain, Chris. I'm not out spending Christmas with my daughter and you didn't help me with that. I don't owe you anything."
Chris sighed. He wished that he could make her see that it wasn't his fault that she was in prison. He decided to take a different tactic.
Chris: "I saw Christina yesterday. She's beautiful."
Julie: "You saw her? When? Where?" She asked very interested.
Chris: "At GH. Lucy and Scott were visiting Karen," He lied, "And I happened by. She's growing by leaps and bounds."
Julie: "She's okay though? She's not sick or anything?"
Chris: "She's fine. She's just fine."
Julie: "Oh Chris, this all went so wrong. It went terrible. I should be with my baby. I should be with her to love and care for her," She cried as she broke down into tears.
Chris reached over and touched her cheek.
Chris: "I'm sorry, Julie. You don't how I wish things could be different."
Julie: "I should have had the chance to raise my baby. To love her and to care for her."
Chris couldn't say anything. He didn't want to give Julie false hope. The fact was she had killed two people in an escape from prison, and he found himself believing that she had been the General Homicide murderer. He took one of her hands in his from across the table.
Julie: "I'll never get to know her now. I'll never get to be the mother to my little girl that I wanted to be."
Chris: "You can know her, Julie. Write to her. Tell her about the person in you that I know, the woman I fell head over heels for. Tell her about what you dream for her. She'll know that her mother loves her."
Julie: "I can't do that. I can't write to her about someone that doesn't exist. I'm not the person you wanted me to be. I can't be her. I've done horrible things and I can't let Christina know who I am because of them."
Chris: "Julie," He began.
Julie: "Chris, just go. Go spend my money," She cried as she withdrew from him.
Chris lingered at the door for a moment, looking back at her and wishing things had happened differently before turning and walking out the door.
Meanwhile.....
Karen sat on the arm of the sofa, watching Neil and Joe argue over how to put together a large Battle Droid model from Star Wars: Episode I. She laughed as they both finally frowned and gave up, tossing their pieces to the ground.
Karen: "Uh guys, where are the instructions?"
Neil: "Instructions? Ewww."
Joe: "Yeah, Karen, real men don't use instructions. Isn't that right, slugger?" He asked looking to Neil who grinned.
Neil: "That's right. Instructions are the first thing to be thrown in the garbage. You girls just don't know how to have a good time."
Karen laughed as Neil collected the pieces to the model and ran them upstairs to his room. Joe moved onto the sofa to sit beside Karen.
Karen: "He seems to be having a good Christmas," She said reaching out to touch Joe's hair.
Joe: "Yeah, I think he is. He's been very happy, especially since I told him that we have a donor. He'd not looking forward to being in the hospital again, but at least now he's got hope."
Karen: "Hope goes a long way, Joe. He hasn't just got hope though. He's got a lot of love to get him through."
Joe: "Yeah, I guess he does," He said sadly, "I don't know how I'm gonna do this, Karen. I don't think I can give him up so easy. It's gonna be tough."
Karen: "No one expects this to be easy, Joe."
Joe placed his head in Karen's lap and closed his eyes.
Joe: "Thank god I have you to help me. I love you, Karen."
Karen stroked his hair as she looked down at his face.
Karen: "I love you too, Joe. We'll get through this."
Chapter 20
Karen answered the door and smiled when she saw Chris. He smiled at her in return and stepped inside. He took a breath and smiled.
Chris: "Coffee?"
Karen: "Yes, and mine is infinitely better than anything you'll get at the hospital."
He laughed as he closed the door behind him as she went to get them each a cup. He took off his jacket and placed it on the arm of the sofa before joining her at the table. He sat down as she brought their mugs to the table. She sat down beside him and kept her eyes on the mug in front of her. Chris looked over to her and then refocused his eyes on the cup in front of him.
Chris: "Something happened."
She finally forced herself to look over at him.
Karen: "Is that a statement or a question?"
Chris: "Both, I suppose. I went to see Julie."
Karen: "How is she?"
Chris: "About how you'd expect."
Karen: "That bad, huh?"
Chris: "Yeah, that bad," He nodded, warming his hands around the cup in front of him, "She misses Christina."
Karen: "It must be hard on her. She probably thought she'd get to spend Christmas with Christina if the trial had gone differently."
Chris: "Yeah, she's really tearing herself apart about it too. But she hasn't ceased placing blame on the rest of us. I think she blames all of us for not helping her in the trial. But what could we do? I tried every way I knew how to convince her not to testify, but she insisted. She wouldn't listen to me when I only wanted to help her," He said looking far away, "I wanted to reunite her with Christina and love her. I wanted to make us a family. I only wanted the best for her," He said sadly.
Karen nodded as she listened.
Karen: "You really were in love with her, weren't you? And you still are."
Chris: "I don't know what I am. I cared for Julie, more than I have for anyone. I wanted to make her the happiest woman in the world and to make sure that she knew she deserved it. I wanted to do everything for her that her family had failed to do. But now," He paused for a moment, "Well, now, I just don't know. I feel like maybe I did fail her somehow."
Karen: "You tried. That's all you could do," She replied as she closed her eyes, "That's all any of us can do."
He gathered his thoughts and turned to look at Karen.
Chris: "What happened with you?"
Karen: "Who said anything happened?" She asked in a tight voice.
Chris: "You didn't have to say it. We both know something did."
She frowned.
Karen: "Yeah, something did. I watched Joe play with Neil and the two of them were so happy together. They have hope for the future, but it's tearing Joe apart to know that Neil isn't his. He's trying to play Dad with Neil as if nothing happened, but Joe is hurting. He told me that he needed me tonight, that he couldn't get through this without me. How can I just walk away from him now when he needs me the most?"
Chris: "You can't. And I can't walk away from Julie either," He said finally making eye contact with her.
They sat looking at each other for a moment, neither quite sure about what they should do or say next. Karen felt the pull as did Chris, and neither could deny it. They slowly leaned towards one another. They seemed to rethink the move every inch closer to one another but neither one chose to stop it. Chris moved his fingers to her cheek, gently touching her skin as he looked into her eyes. Karen met his gaze, looking into him as she slid her hand around his neck. They looked at each other for another infinite moment before their lips met in a painfully tender kiss.
Karen didn't want it to end. She didn't want to let go of him nor did she want to let go of what she was beginning to feel for him. Chris had brought back excitement and surprises into her life. She didn't want to let go of how good it felt to be with him, to talk with him, to laugh with him, to hold him and kiss him. She didn't want to let go of any of it, but she knew that it was the only way.
Chris couldn't get her out of his head. He had wondered all afternoon how he was going to do this and for a while, he even debated whether he would be able to or not. He had enjoyed the time they'd spent together, making her laugh, seeing her get angry, listening to whatever she had to say. He had looked forward to seeing her in the future, but now he knew that was impossible.
As they parted, they met each other's eyes again.
Karen: "This isn't going to be easy, is it?" She asked focused on his lips.
Chris: "No, it doesn't look like it will be," He said closing his eyes as he touched his forehead to hers.
Karen: "But we have to do this."
Chris: "Trying to convince me or yourself?"
Karen: "Maybe a bit of both," She sighed, "To be honest, I don't want to really do this."
Chris: "Neither do I. I don't want to let you go."
Karen: "I don't want to let you go either, Chris."
They sat there for a few moments before Chris kissed her once more.
Chris: "I should go. It's not going to be any easier later."
Karen: "No I don't suppose it will be."
Chris pulled on his jacket and opened the door.
Chris: "I'll see you Monday."
Karen: "Monday," She smiled faintly.
Chris tried to smile, wanting to make this easier, but he couldn't. It wasn't easy. He had seen potential for the two of them, but he had to give that up for his wife. Karen watched as Chris walked down the walk. She closed the door and sank back against it, crying as she lowered herself to the floor. She had sacrificed the happiness she had so desperately wanted to help the man she had once been in love with.